June 2017 | Sherisse Alvarez

Training the Wandering Mind

Thoughts create our reality and can help or hurt us depending on their origin: love or fear. Realizing we have the ability to say no to painful thoughts empowers us. It strengthens our ability to focus on what’s healthy and healing. We don’t have to be slaves to our mind. It takes some mindfulness to notice when fear-based thoughts are arising, notice how it makes us feel, and either take it in or let it go. Where your mind goes energy flows. This is absolutely true and worth remembering. Sometimes we can feel that monitoring thoughts is like putting a leash on a dog. It means that the higher part of our being watches where the ego self is pulling us. We pause, re-direct, pause, re-direct. It is possible to train the mind, to replace negative, heavy thoughts with positive, joyful ones. Eventually it requires less effort and the animal of our mind naturally wanders off less.

Our Version of Truth

In times of stress we need not force ourselves to take on more than our system can handle. Taking it slow goes against the cultural norm. We may feel lonely in our pursuit of deeper understanding. We may not be the type of person who can simply settle for average. We must give ourselves permission to desire more. While there is nothing wrong with living simply, we ought not mistake that for giving away our passion. Our joy is worth honoring and our inner wisdom has value. We may be used to spending time with people who have forgotten their own connection to higher self, who value money and fame above all else. I’m not sure that it’s our job to remind them, but it is our responsibility to live authentically, to claim happiness and truth. Our truth, not the other person’s version. And if we’re constantly comparing our definition to theirs we will be forever trying (albeit silently, passively) to receive validation. Is this the best use of our mind, body and spirit? Aren’t there other, more enlivening, moments we’d like to be creating? Our hearts are open. We need not let everything (or everyone) in.

Expanding Into Connection

We may feel as we’re changing that others won’t know how to handle the shift. That they won’t recognize or know how to love us. We can ask for courage to release that fear. Our only priority is setting ourselves free. Those who are meant to walk with us will be there when we reach the mountaintop.

If we are spending time and energy worrying about disappointing others we can allow our attention to move from fear to service. How can we helpful and show up for others in need? When we are so focused on our own struggles the world becomes very small. We forget that connection to the sacred is available to us. Clinging to fear or worry keeps us in a box too tiny for our greatness. As we expand into the fullness of who we are, we find new connections that support our well-being.

Reaquaintance

When some significant part of us dies — we’ve left a job that defined us or a long-term relationship is altered — being patient with the process of reacquaintance is vital. We are getting to know ourselves as if for the very first time.

While most of us will undoubtedly crave certainty, we can aim to let go of jumping to conclusions about who we should be after a significant transformation. The river water is likely changing the shape of the stone.

Best to hold gently the possibility of not knowing for a while, allowing the heart to be curious, embracing the new shape that is being made of us. Our soul may feel lost but we are always protected.

Letting the wild part of us find expression, we find new ways of relating to our freedom. If we find ourselves here it is because we know there is another, more serene and creative, way home.

When Things Change

Sometimes we are forced to let go of things, situations, and people that deplete our spirit and drain our energy. We may not have wanted to or known how but then we find ourselves contemplating major, life-altering change. The routines that gave our days structure, suddenly break down and we are left with a terrible ache, longing, void.

I have heard this referred to as a god-shaped hole. We find ourselves there after a separation, big loss, any shock to the system. It’s tethered to grief and requires a complete recalibration of psyche, soul and soma.

On the other side of this “death” is a new understanding of our potential and purpose. As we’re going through this transformational process we may hold our breath, lose every ounce of faith. What would it feel like to embrace change the way we accept that a thunderstorm will come and go? Our life force is reaching out to us in much the same way, wishing (demanding) to be known.

Playing Dress-Up

When we’re so very attached to the story of our life, it can be helpful to step outside of our rigid thinking and into creative, imaginative play. Children are nourished by it and from them we learn the importance of loosening up, letting go.

When I spend time with children I re-learn how to relate to my thoughts. I am less self-conscious and afraid of what others will think. In the presence of kids, I allow myself to be silly: I dance, cheer, wear wigs and superhero capes.

When we step even temporarily out of our linear narrative, we make space for a new way of being. We can accept ourselves as we are; we can appreciate the inner child and all that she has to offer the world when she isn’t burdened by fear and self-doubt.

Seeing Ourselves Clearly

Imagine cleaning a dirty mirror, clearing away dust so that you may see your reflection. This is the nature of mind: clean, pure.

If we have forgotten who we are, we now have an opportunity to remember, reinvent, renew. It does not feel easy but the gifts will be known, felt and had. You will feel restored and strong. You will know your power and strength, feel the truth of the divine flowing through you.

Self-care is how you reclaim your wisdom and balance. From moment to moment.

Cat and the Giraffe

When we watch animals play they can remind us of our own wild nature. They focus their attention on playing in a way that is unfamiliar to most of us.

We have forgotten our own innocence and have accumulated many thoughts and ideas about the way we should live. We tend not to prioritize rest or relaxation until we absolutely have to, until we find ourselves in the midst of a crisis. Then we stop, ask questions about the choices we have made and what led us to make those choices in the first place.

When Neil, our kitten, plays with his toy giraffe I re-learn the meaning of attention, of shifting the gaze from fear to wonder. He allows himself to be imperfect and clumsy; he also plays with his whole body, doesn’t hold back.

Reverence

To discover reverence for our particular experience can be deeply liberating. We are no longer struggling to force change. We simply witness. The nervous system rests in that witnessing.

Insight and transformation are alive within that space. Movement is possible, creativity.

To abide in reverence is blissful like a gentle caress before an even gentler embrace: the mind mixes with, curls into, glides between.

Stones. Water. Night sky. A quiet essence.

Nurturing the Inner Child

When we experience a rupture in our lives — a dark night of the soul — we may feel that there is nowhere to turn, that our options are limited. Our foot, metaphorically speaking, has been caught in a trap.

We experience our fear on a somatic level because it is asking to be witnessed and known so that it may be transformed. We are beginning again and being re-birthed. We may not know how to be with the intensity of feeling or how to reach out for help.

This is the moment of profound surrender, when we must be willing to ask — on our knees if necessary — to be guided by the universe and our loved ones: present, past and future. We anchor ourselves while also letting the necessary energy flow in and flow out. We seek balance as opposed to extremes.

Nurturing the inner child (or baby) begins with gentle care and listening. We allow her to tell us what is needed so that we can gather the appropriate resources. We let her know that she is loved and cherished and protected.

We reassure her that the world is a safe and welcoming place where she may play, explore, and know joy.