Loyalty is defined as a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Allegiance is a commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause. Synonyms of allegiance are fidelity, obedience, devotion. These terms mean different things to different people but many of us strive to be loyal and allegiant.
We are often surprised when relationships where we have been loyal, fail. We expect loyalty to deepen intimacy, to give us a sense of ground. We may have even been martyrs, so why aren’t we getting what we want?
Loyalty does not guarantee happiness. It offers a false sense of security while setting us up for resentment. When the other person doesn’t give us what we want, what we believe we have earned and deserve, we feel let down, angry.
If we have worked so hard at something that we feel victimized when there’s failure, then we learn we don’t have to work so hard. We aim to match the energy of the other person or situation. Perhaps we have received everything we need from this relationship. Wouldn’t we rather know that than keep going to the hardware store for oranges, wishing for it to be different?
We all do better work when we’re happy, not loyal.