Jealousy drains us of vital energy. It stems from ignorance and a limited view of Self. Only when we believe that we’re not enough, and that we don’t have enough, can we be jealous of others. Jealousy is such an unpleasant, even painful, emotion to feel, that most people will do their best to avoid feeling it.
When we become jealous, if we let ourselves really sink into it, we can observe how it makes us feel on a somatic level. Our breath is constricted, our chest tight, the jaw tense. We cut off completely from love and connection. Inner peace is absorbed completely by the experience of jealousy. Our thoughts become fixed and hard. The heart becomes like a heavy stone.
Whether we act on or merely suppress it, we often wish to destroy the object of our jealousy. This aggression arises from conscious and sub-conscious thought: He is better than me. I’m not smart enough. I’ll never have what he has. I’m defective and therefore unlovable. These narratives, whether we ultimately believe them or not, lead us to sabotage friendships and relationships of all kinds.
Despite all this, I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with the experience of jealousy. It is normal and can, in some instances, help us to create and know our boundaries. We see it even in animals and young children who don’t yet have an intellectual understanding of what it means to be jealous. Instead, it presents much more instinctively (and “intelligently”) as the urge to protect, demarcate, possess.
The energy of jealousy is essentially just that – energy. It can be observed and transformed. This is often felt after movement or meditation. When we are in a relaxed state we’re able to recognize the “real but not true” nature of jealousy. The clenched fist of fear eases into an open palm; emotions pass through us but don’t cling in the same manner.
The first time I was aware that I was completely free of jealousy was after a yoga class. I’d been studying for some time and as I sat still after asana practice, I could feel the heat emanating from my tailbone. Pleasure came from a kind of emptiness; what filled me was a buoyant and peaceful bliss. When we experience genuine safety and connection with Self, jealousy naturally dissipates.