When we feel powerless in our own lives, we tend to want to control other people. This will manifest, most profoundly of course, in our intimate relationships. Where we feel safe, where we trust the other person won’t abandon us. In this dynamic, however, we often feel as though we have abandoned ourselves. And, we have. We have officially left the building.
As soon as we take the focus off of ourselves and start pointing the finger at another, we give away our serenity. It is instantaneous. Chasing outcomes only makes us feel helpless and resentful. We see this with our partner, children, even our co-workers and bosses.
If we reflect on how we respond when others try to control us, we know that it generally doesn’t go well. We rebel, act out, find ways to prove that we are in charge. When it comes to managing the lives of others, less is always more. If we find ourselves there, we must ask what needs recalibrating in our own neck of the woods.
To care for the wellbeing of our loved ones without attempting control, requires mindfulness. Particularly when we see them in pain, we may want to force a solution. This rarely works. Letting the other person be who they are allows for authentic connection, harmonious reciprocity. By respecting their boundaries, we will also be respectful of our own. How can we offer our attention while remaining grounded? It takes regular practice, but it’s well worth it.
We have no control over people, places or things; trying to manipulate and over-manage only causes us pain. As we stay present and tuned in to our own experience, we can more gracefully navigate our relationships. Ease-ful in giving and receiving, we become generous and kind with how we handle the heart of the other.