Detachment is one of the most loving things we can do when faced with hostility. It lets us choose what we take in and what we leave alone. Its opposite, codependency, keeps us locked in. It deprives us of bliss.
In situations where we develop an overly tight grip, learning to stop and acknowledge that we have no power over other people’s actions, keeps us grounded. We can literally say out loud, “I have no power over this” as a way to reorient ourselves.
If you check in during those moments, you’ll notice that the gripping leads to tight muscles, constricted breath, agitation. It’s an aggressive posture, leaving little room for light and playfulness.
I have practiced observing when I am in the habit of codependency. My skin actually feels hot and itchy. I get headaches and stomach pain. Nothing moves through me; everything feels jammed.
To take what you like and (love) the rest is just that. We don’t have to get caught up or lost in the madness. We have a right to be here without getting swallowed up. By using these charged interactions as opportunities, we can refine our focus and aim to have a clear mind. We can leave or we can stay: the choice is up to us.
I heard a story once of a wise teacher who would advise his students to wear a stone in their shoe as a reminder to wake up. The friend or boss or lover can be that stone.