When I heard the slogan, “Say what you mean without saying it mean,” it resonated with me. I used to be the kind of person who would keep silent while feeling resentful. I’d use my resentment like a weapon. I’d let it take over and control my relationships, control me.
This is what I observed growing up and I couldn’t imagine any other way of being. Later I saw that it really wasn’t sustainable and that I’d have to find a new model. A new way of relating to people and situations that triggered me.
What I witnessed as a child was a mother’s depression mixed with bursts of rage. I vacillated between feeling sad and angry. Sad because I wanted to know her and she was largely inaccessible, and angry because she couldn’t be the sane parent I needed her to be.
While I had several caregivers, the chaos in my home made for a nervous system that later on needed some repair. Conflict resolution was an elusive concept. I needed to learn how to communicate effectively and that took many years of practice.
Many of us wait our whole life to say what we really need and want to say. This informs our whole being both somatically and spiritually. We hold back, our breath becomes chronically shallow, we check out of our relationships, censor our creative flow.
How can we be of service if we are routinely out of order? Let us practice non-violent communication as often as possible if only to reassure ourselves that it is safe, that we will not be exiled.