Most people who have experienced abuse — particularly as young children — resort to fantasy as a way to escape trauma. This can be a helpful, even life-saving, coping strategy. While this mechanism serves the child, it doesn’t always serve the adult.
Fantasy, when taken too far, interrupts our lives and negatively impacts our health — physical, mental and spiritual. We flee our own reality in search of something “better” only to be left feeling empty and disoriented. One example of this is a survivor of childhood abuse who becomes addicted to pornography. What starts as fantasy, later becomes compulsion and a source of shame.
Anything that negatively impacts our self-esteem must be examined. Fantasy may be healthy to the extent that it supports our playfulness and curiosity. If we find ourselves spending the majority of our time in narratives that are not aligned with reality, we can set an intention to come back to the present. If necessary, we ask others for help or join a support group.
We can also ask the adult what she needs right here and now. As we practice re-parenting the parts of ourselves that had to leave, our sense of safety grows. We begin to feel more at home in our own skin and self-love replaces the void we once felt.