Many women I know and work with have experienced some form of abuse. Their abusers have been, primarily, men. What this has meant for several of them is that they have a difficult time trusting men even when they wish to. Or they recreate situations that put them in danger and leave them feeling victimized. I have had my own experiences, not unlike theirs, and have learned to identify behavior that mimics past trauma.
What I want to say about this now is that we are highly intelligent sentient beings. Everything that we do serves a purpose in the grand scheme of our life. Each time we make a choice we have an opportunity to claim dysfunction or health. We don’t always choose wisely because loving and protecting ourselves is something we have to learn. If we were not taught adequate self-care then we must seek out these skills before we can implement them. That doesn’t make us wrong or bad.
Women who have been hurt by men will either avoid men altogether or they will create opportunities for healing. I have found that power comes from connecting with men and discovering that I can be both vulnerable and safe. This has taught me to trust my own judgement and to set boundaries when necessary. Connecting with the opposite gender has supported my growth creatively, intellectually and spiritually. But this isn’t always so, doesn’t always feel available.
Men who consciously help women heal deserve to be recognized and honored. They should know just how transformative their kindness can be, and how necessary their role. To be able to hold that space for a woman — whether through mindful listening, safe touch, sexual pleasure — is sacred. In our highly patriarchal culture any gesture that nurtures feminine wisdom and health deserves our attention and appreciation.