May 2017 | Page 3 of 4 | Sherisse Alvarez

Anxiety as Placeholder

When we experience a traumatic event, there are often feelings of dissonance. Our insides and our outsides seem not to match. To try and reconcile that can be psychically and even existentially painful. We sometimes call this “anxiety” but this is only shorthand for a complex psychosomatic process.

And we rarely talk about it. Anxiety is considered a disorder and often treated with medication. While anti-anxiety medication can be incredibly helpful, when we take these drugs we miss out on the significance of our symptoms.

These messages of the body and mind have information for us: they signal to us when we feel unsafe, when there is too much emotional charge, that a deliberate pause is needed.

Respecting our needs starts with recognizing that those needs exist. When we’re able to do that, we meet the truth of who we are. Healing reveals itself, and fear melts into compassion. Hope awakens in us because we know that growth and recovery are possible.

Being with Mourning

As unpleasant as it may feel to experience loss, the act of mourning offers us valuable teachings. It reveals the profundity of longing, and our desire for connection. To make space for it does not diminish our strength, rather it increases our capacity for healing and joy in the long-term.

Mourning can be felt as physical wounding. When we drop into our awareness of it, first we may only be able to locate intense sensation: heaviness in the chest, a knotted stomach. If we stay gently attentive, our deeper needs come alive. For safety, trust, meaningful relationship, closeness, bonding. These needs may feel tethered to both present and past, childhood or even earlier.

Tending to these needs is vital if we’re to grow and expand beyond the immediate (sometimes paralyzing) pain we may be feeling. Bringing mindful, loving attention to our hurt allows the heart to unfurl, pointing us to profound insight. These insights can be integrated somatically through the use of specific tools and appropriate modalities.

If we dare to investigate what’s there, under the surface of mourning, we open to the light it has to share. This informs how we move forward, the choices that we make around our self-care, and how we relate to love. When we give our true feelings adequate space for expression, our whole life begins to transform.

Returning to Our Somatic Wisdom

What does returning to our somatic wisdom look like? We start with the articulation of the question, followed by the breath. Breath introduces oxygen, fresh ideas, indicates expansion and awareness.

Our bodies are wise and are expressing this all the time. When we have an instinct; feel doubt; are disconnected emotionally. The magic is in accepting that these signals have real value and honoring them.

To honor is to take our time, to playfully explore, to deepen our capacity for awareness as well as feeling and action. Sometimes this will take new shapes and forms we don’t yet understand.

And so we stand there, in the curiosity. We bow to the beauty of who we are. Somatic wisdom leads us always back to our individual self as well as collective knowing. It connects us to earth, invisible forces, the lives of our ancestors.

Next Right Action

When things happen to us, even devastating things, focusing on the next right action re-aligns our attention.

Moving on right away isn’t always possible or advisable — we need time to adequately deal with our feelings, to soothe the sting. But focusing too hard or too long on the problem distorts our view and ability to see beyond.

When faced with difficult circumstances, especially intense pain, we will likely be disoriented. We may feel disempowered and unable to consider what we need. Doing nothing may be necessary for a while.

Once we have emerged from numbness or shock, we ask for help navigating our recovery. Doing it alone is not a requirement. A different kind of healing happens in community.

Sometimes the next right action is quite simple. We need a shower. To eat. Sleep. Get dressed. Walk the dog.

Simplicity makes things a bit more manageable, and when we are injured the best medicine is gentle acceptance of our feelings and needs. Exactly as they are in this moment.

Facing Addiction

Whether it is our own addiction or that of another person we know — a friend, lover, relative or colleague — coming to terms with the fact that there’s an issue is rarely easy. It can be painful, and denial often prevents us from seeing the truth. We may make excuses or laugh it off.

The first step of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous states: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

The reason admitting powerlessness is important is that we allow ourselves to finally stop using our will. We surrender. Surrendering in this context simply means that we no longer have to face the problem alone, and that we acknowledge we cannot continue doing what we’ve been doing, living how we’ve been living.

It took me a long time to understand that addiction — any addiction — is a disease. It is not something people choose; its manifestation has an underlying cause. This disease does not exist in isolation and should not be treated in isolation. Often it masks grief, childhood abuse or trauma.

To have compassion for someone who is dealing with addiction can be challenging. It may be especially difficult if they are hurting themselves or others in the process and if they refuse to seek help.

When we are able to pause and detach, we see that behind the disease there is a person in pain. A human being trying to have their needs met through self-destructive means. We have done the same thing, to a lesser or greater degree.

We may not be able to save the addict; ultimately they must want to heal. What we can do is refuse to live in denial. Naming addiction means that, at the very least, we stop offering it shelter.

Violations of Trust

It can be difficult to make sense of situations in which we feel violated. We may feel numb, unable to process, and end up disassociating as a result.

It is important to care for our body and mind during these times as we will need extra support. If there is a tendency to isolate, it may take some work to break that pattern.

If stuck in self-blame remember that you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and it’s not your job to cure it. Your only responsibility is to fearlessly and fiercely tend to your needs. Give yourself permission to be selfish when necessary. Your health is worth fighting for. Mental, physical and spiritual.

When others violate you (in any way) there is a period of grief. Let yourself feel it while also remembering that this too shall pass. This circumstance may be your greatest catalyst.

Those who injured us reveal our inner strength, our potential for radical healing. Ultimately we may even feel empathy, for wisdom teaches us that those who hurt us have abandoned themselves.

Parking in the House of the Healer

This title was inspired by a dream I had. In it, I was driving a car into a healer’s office. It was a peaceful scene, not violent or scary. It’s simply where my car belonged and I was parking it in an appropriate spot.

It reminded me of a line I’ve written about before: to know god we must sit near god.

The healer’s office represents my own inner voice and knowing. The parking of the car is a reminder to abide in that, to trust that process. And to not only let myself be vulnerable but to listen to my internal guidance system.

When we feel lost, we may need sometimes to accept the wandering, our heart’s confusion.

But when we know and see the path clearly we must move ourselves in the direction of alignment. Otherwise, we’re giving up a perfectly good spot, and who knows how long it will take to encounter the next one.

Claiming Inner Peace

To claim is to state that something is the case. To assert that one has achieved or gained something.

Peace doesn’t fall into our lap, it is a state of mind that must be claimed and a set of actions that must be embodied.

All day long, every day, we will encounter thoughts and situations that will disturb us. They will want to claim us.

Engaging with darkness means that we will have to sit with discomfort and allow it to give us direction. When we pay attention to how we feel we learn to be intentional about what is needed rather than passive. Sometimes this will mean making drastic changes because they support who we’d like to be.

I asked someone recently about his ability to detach from a certain situation with his family that many would perceive as painful. He said his ability to remain calm stemmed from an inner knowing that everything is as it should be. And that one can be of service while also believing in karma.

If we believe that the universe has its own order then we can follow in these footsteps. We can claim inner peace and abide in that. This puts us in charge of our own well-being.

Self-Care at Work

When we’re at work it can be difficult to prioritize our wellness. It’s often one of the first things we neglect, particularly when we’re stressed or over-burdened. Here are a few things we can do to remember who we are, stay centered and calm.

1. Feed yourself well; healthy (ideally home-cooked) meals are essential.
2. Eat away from the computer and preferably away from your desk.
3. Leave the office even if only for a few minutes of fresh air and natural light.
4. Check in with a wellness buddy or friend when you start to feel overwhelmed.
5. Find a private place to meditate or sit quietly for a short time.
6. Use affirmations when you’re feeling triggered or low on patience.
7. Take a few minutes out of your workday to read something uplifting.
8. Jot down a few things you’re grateful for.
9. Stand up, stretch, move, take a few deep breaths.
10. Remember your divine nature by bringing a hand over your heart, bringing palms together, or connecting in your own way with your highest self.

The Keeping of Secrets

“It is usually the things we try to ignore that we are yearning to share and let go.”

-A reading from the daily meditations book, Answers in the Heart

There is a difference between privacy and secrecy and it can be a fine line. When we look closely and honestly at those things we tend to keep hidden, we will sometimes find that we have been (perhaps subconsciously) leading a double life.

We do this primarily because we are afraid of what other people will think of us. We fear they will reject and abandon us. What I have found, however, is that when we are brave enough to speak our truth others respect us for it. They may not love everything we say but they value our transparency.

Pretending to be someone we’re not makes us feel tired, contracted, inauthentic. But if we’ve grown up in families that cared more about what others thought than how they truly felt, we may have adopted this way of being.

Feeling loved is a basic, primal need. Feeling loved unconditionally makes us feel nurtured, seen, that we can achieve great things. This is so because we’re not busy hiding; our hearts can shine.

Moving in the direction of our secrets ultimately liberates us. It puts the focus on our light instead of our darkness, our perfection and not our failures.