“Attachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.”
–Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A., from the book, “Attached”
When I discovered attachment theory I finally understood why some partnerships were not destined to work in the long-term. It now made sense that certain relationships ended despite the deep love that had once existed. I had more acceptance and compassion for both myself and the partners who were no longer in my life.
According to attachment theory, there are three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant. Getting to know which most apply to you can be beneficial as you navigate relationships of all kinds.
Most of us know that childhood has played a crucial role in forming who we are today. Understanding what that might mean from the perspective of attachment theory allows us to access a roadmap we might not otherwise have.
Re-parenting ourselves teaches us that we can stop waiting for others to meet our needs, but it also reveals that little growth happens in isolation. Interdependence works best when our most important relationships support who we are and truly want to be.