We can go for a long time avoiding things that make us uncomfortable. We can actually spend much of our energy pursuing things that are meant to keep us out of discomfort. The issue with this is that, sooner or later, we start to experience these things as buffers or substitutes. They aren’t the real thing. We long for more.
Disoriented, we wonder why these people/places/things have not brought us the happiness they seemed to promise. We feel let down, fooled. It may appear as though we have wasted precious time, deferred our dreams, put our life on hold.
So, what have we been avoiding? What were we so afraid of?
Facing ourselves – our deepest desires and fears, our questions and doubts – can actually feel quite lonely. It requires sitting with not knowing, engaging with our edges, bumping against our inner critics. Being with all of this also means delving into the experience of impermanence, the felt sense of beginning and ending. And middle. That murky middle.
Difficulty is inevitable. Throughout our life we will deal with many challenging and painful circumstances. But how do we approach difficulty that is “optional”? More than one person has likely suggested not making things more complicated than they need to be. The intention is a noble one; they want to spare us suffering.
But the fact is that these choices are ultimately our own, a necessary part of our path. And each opportunity, difficult or otherwise, is uniquely and totally ours. If we delay relating to discomfort, it will always find its way back in a different form. Like a child wanting to play, it will pursue us until it has our undivided attention.