February 2017 | Page 3 of 3 | Sherisse Alvarez

Accountability

Before we can be accountable to anyone else, we must be accountable to ourselves. Accountability is shorthand for upholding our values and vision. It can be a heavy word because it implies responsibility. It can also mean protection and loyalty and truthfulness. Accountability can be infused with adventure and play. Somatic coaching gives us a map for that, one that is primarily self-generated but also allows others in. Coaching teaches us to follow our joy while creating a safe container for action. An accountability partner, coach or otherwise, can be there to support us along the way, to serve as a mirror. This should be someone who can ask, “What’s getting in the way?” And, “How can I help you get where you’re trying to go?”

Boredom and Purpose

We know boredom as a byproduct of dissatisfaction. It also signals to us that we are playing small. Not expressing our creative energy and unique gifts. Often when we experience boredom we also feel drained, restless, anxious or depressed.

Boredom can disguise as anger or frustration or sadness. It may show up as a desire for more power or control. When we are chronically bored we look for distractions. This can lead to acting out or self-destructive behaviors. For a time it becomes possible to overlook the root cause. We can be very busy but still be bored, dissatisfied. And boredom is not stillness. In nature many things that appear still are full of expression and life.

Boredom happens when we become disconnected. From our essence, highest self, our potential. It is the itch we feel compelled to scratch. It’s the gut pull and inner buzz. Boredom is a reminder of our light and purpose and calling.

Shaking hands with boredom requires honesty and courage. When we recognize its presence we have an opportunity to move closer or back away. When we allow ourselves to become intimate with it, boredom brings us back into alignment with our own curiosity.

Emotional Resilience

What does it mean to be emotionally resilient? If physical exercise makes our body stronger, what aids and stabilizes our emotional center? And when we talk about resilience, what does it look like for those of us who’ve experienced trauma?

Health practitioners will tell us that there are key areas that determine our wellbeing. These include the state of our body and mind; sleep and diet; relationships and community; fulfilling work. And there are times when we are doing well in several of these categories. But what about when we are off balance or struggling to find our way?

When your body is sick, typically you go to the doctor. That doctor may prescribe medication. This is common practice in our society and most of us embrace it as normal. But when we feel emotional or spiritual dis-ease, we often lack the necessary tools to get us back on track. Here, too, medication (for depression or anxiety or insomnia) is often offered as a remedy.

There are other things we can do as an alternative or adjunct therapy. First we can be honest with our MDs about what’s really going on, about the stress we are navigating at work or at home. We can receive acupuncture or massage. We can stretch or meditate in our living rooms for ten or twenty minutes a day. Or we can journal until we feel satisfied, take a bath, have a difficult conversation we’ve been avoiding.

The point is to be attentive, to engage our bodies, and to be kind to ourselves. The more we allow ourselves to receive the necessary support, the more adept we become at proper and appropriate self-care. After a little while the layers of resistance peel away. We learn to love not only the solution but also the grief that put us on the road to healing.

Dialogue with Inner Parts

When you dialogue with inner parts* you will likely be surprised by what you discover. These parts have much information and wisdom to share. The more we resist them, the louder they get. Or, conversely, the more we try to drown them out, the more disconnected and scattered we feel.

Making room for inner parts to emerge means that our energy gets freed up. Awareness of their existence is sobering. We learn to have gratitude for the messages inner parts have for us. We begin to understand that they can truly help rather than hinder us. They are on our side, and we ought to care for them just like they care for us.

*Internal Family Systems Theory gave us parts work, an invaluable resource also used in transformative life coaching. The model was developed by psychotherapist, Richard Schwartz, PhD.

10 Questions for Inner Protector

Inner Protector is a name for that part of you that is overly cautious or frightened. This part shows up most strongly when you are considering making a significant change in your life. You can do some journal writing with these questions and see what’s wanting to emerge. Communicate directly with this part and let the answers come from him/her/it. Be as specific or as abstract as you need to be. As soon as you become aware of (and accept) the role of Inner Protector, it becomes a helpful guide on your path.

What are you trying to protect me from?

Where did you come from (a person, place, past life)?

What might you want to know before I move ahead?

Can you tell me what will make you feel grounded and safe?

Is there a particular kind of support you are craving?

What do you most need me to consider before I take this step?

Can you describe the worst thing you think can happen?

How can you expand your view of this situation?

How can we invite in a sense of playfulness and ease?

What would taking a courageous step look like to you?

Parts Work (Embracing the Shadow)

When we aren’t yet clear what the next step is, we may panic or feel stuck. Our energy has been stagnant for so long that we can’t seem to find our way. We sometimes choose to stay in the misery because making a different choice is so unfamiliar.

Working with parts (the Inner Protector, for example) allows us to see what is really holding us back, to touch in to the place where fear originates. The root cause may be something entirely different than what we imagined. We get curious about what’s there, and we set aside judgment.

This coaching pathway is called Embracing the Shadow. It allows you to have a dialogue with inner parts that are wanting greater expression. It allows you to see how these parts may be inadvertently working against you and what they need in order to heal.

Limiting Thoughts and Intimacy

Limiting thoughts say things like: I don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship; I’m not attractive, lovable, or good enough. To some extent, we all encounter these thoughts. At different times in our life they may be more pronounced, particularly during major points of transition. Undoubtedly, they get in the way of experiencing our highest self: they restrict flow and interrupt our embodiment of pleasure.

Negative self-talk directly impacts how we show up for others, and puts strain on our relationships. How can it not? It may seem like limiting thoughts are contained but they inevitably touch every interaction we have. I speak to many people who tell me they wish for greater intimacy but when it comes to taking a risk the challenge seems too great. They consistently self-sabotage as a way to stay “safe.” The armor is so built up that it has become comforting. Still, there’s a price to pay when we hide from the fullness of who we are.

If what we want is connection and intimacy but some part of us believes we aren’t capable of that, then it will be difficult to manifest and sustain harmony, excitement and curiosity in our relationships. We will, consciously or unconsciously, push people away. We will keep them at arm’s length when what we really desire is to deepen the connection and bond.

All sentient beings are fundamentally lovable because they are comprised of love. Limited thinking cuts us off from that experience and deprives us of joy. It is a form of dissociation, a way of leaving, fragmenting the self.

We know, however, how to come back. How to re-meet our essence through the breath, through this body. We have done it before. If sensuality can be forgotten, then it can also be remembered.

Meeting Needs, Honoring Values

Staying in a situation you deem unhealthy not only affects your mood, it also erodes self-esteem. But there’s a reason we cling to loveless marriage, superficial friendships and unsatisfying jobs – we are trying to get our needs met. It’s a noble effort. The issue is that we are often so identified with needs that we neglect our values.

Needs are integral to our well-being; values really shape our self image. Perhaps you have a need for financial security but a value is to do meaningful work in the world. Can these co-exist peacefully or is some adjustment necessary? It requires a balance of trust and surrender but it is possible to appropriately meet your needs while also honoring your values.

The first step is getting clear (and honest) on what they are. Intention starts with attention. I’m curious to know: what are your needs and values and how are you living them, or not? How are you releasing, or clinging to, those that no longer serve you?